The past year was a journey for me in so many ways. There were places where I grew. And there were places where I faced fears. The biggest fear that I faced was in singing a solo in the church Christmas play. When we started practices back in the fall, I stepped away from the director position. I felt the Lord leading me to do something else, and I felt that He wanted to use someone else as the director. So I was happy to just be a part of the choir.
At the first practice, we handed out parts. And my husband got the part of the dad. So naturally, I got the part of the mom. Two of our children played the parts of our children. During the first run-through, it was suggested that someone sing the song, “Mary, Did You Know?” As I was sitting there, God spoke to me and told me that I was going to sing that solo. I gently reminded Him that *I* don’t sing solos. And He kept after me, and I finally obeyed and said yes.
So I told a few people that God told me to sing the solo. It was met with surprise. So I started practicing with the guitarists at church. And then I practiced in front of the choir at play practice. In our church, most of the membership is the choir. My first attempt was met with surprise and clapping. I told them that part of my grief therapy over the past year has been music. I have been singing along with my iPod a lot. Mostly I sang in my home office while working. God was working in me.
So with many more practices, I grew nervous each time in anticipation of the actual play performance. The week-end of our play, we had a big snow. So big for us that there is still snow in places in January. So our play was post-poned for a week. And I had a whole week more to anticipate the play.
The night of the play arrived, and I did pretty good at the beginning of the play. I got my speaking parts right. Then I sang my solo. And as soon as I sat down, I forgot everything in my brain. There was NOTHING there. And we get to a big part in the play where I have a conversation with my son, and I can’t remember my part. My husband tried to show me where we were in his copy of the script, but I could not figure out where we were. So he saved the day and jumped back in with his part.
My daughter taped the performance, and it will not show up on You Tube. But it is very funny for me to watch it. I laughed as I watched myself get flustered. And I didn’t do too bad with my solo either. But I learned to not have a speaking part after God calls me to sing a solo. I have proven that my feet are definitely made of clay, and I am not perfect. I will never be perfect until I get to heaven.